and just like that~

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my baby girl ~ years and years ago

My little girl is going to college this year. I repeat, my tiny little sweet baby girl is going to COLLEGE this year?! The means that the past 18 years have passed by, and the child that once lived inside my belly is out in the world as an independent adult. 

First a little bit about how it feels to have my first leave the nest.

Okay, I'm going to be honest (why change the tenor of my blog now?) Before a few months ago, I truly believed that I would NOT become one of those over-emotional parents who goes through the pains of 'empty nest syndrome'. I thought that since she was only moving across the river, well, I would be spared any kind of unnecessary drama. Nothing like a healthy dose of humbling. It feels as if a string of my DNA has been carefully pulled out of my wiring and I'm left a little empty. It's not disabling, but it's present. 

I notice I miss her often. I mean, somedays I'm busy enough in my own life with housework, writing, taking care of my other one, and hanging out with my guy. But then there are also those days when I wish I could see her socks on the floor, listen to her quick humor and outrageous stories, or hear the shower going (for hours) and know it's her in there. When I was really sick, she read to me. I would be lying on the couch, and she would get a book and cuddle under my outstretched legs. Every now and then, Henry would squeeze in with us, or lay on the thick rug near enough to hear. Beautiful memories to hold.

Yesterday I took my little girl to help her get registered. Yes, it's late. I realized that she is still in that murky place between childhood and adulthood. Somethings feel so daunting, remember? I knew she wanted to do all of this on her own, but I was beginning to think that if I didn't jump in and show up as a take-action parent, well, her own fear might've prevented her from registering on time. So, a few days ago I texted (does anyone talk on the phone with their teen anymore?) that I would be coming over the next morning to pick her up and help her get enrolled. "Okay, thanks mom."

I'm not going to pretend like it was an easy day. We spent a lot of our time driving back and forth to her old high school to pick up transcripts, talk with advisors, process the scholarships she received (that was all her own doing, so proud!), and of course, take a little side trip to FRESSEN, my new favorite German bakery for some pretzels and coffee. After about five hours, we were done. Not only did she end up getting an amazing schedule, but she felt so relieved. I helped shift her world yesterday, and that's pretty wonderful.

After dropping her back at her sweet apartment, I noticed my entire body hurt. It was a lot of stress getting everything done, and I could feel the toll on my body. I came home, stretched out, meditated, ate a late lunch, and quickly changed into my pajamas. I was done for the day. In fact, we decided to order pizza for dinner so I wouldn't have to cook! We were celebrating even though she wasn't with us. It was a productive day and I was spent.

Some days feel big. Tasks that feel taller than mountains are completed. It's not the easiest trek when it seems as though you are almost pushing along your companion, but when you two have made it to the top...well worth any and all effort.  






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