MS, love, and my life

It's a funny feeling when you can tell that something has run its course. Sometimes it can be extraordinarily painful and heartbreaking, other times it's as if a heavy load you didn't even realize you've been carrying, has been magically lifted. This is neither of those times. This is only me deciding that I'm done writing so publicly for now. From beginning to end, it's been an amazingly therapeutic undertaking for me. I like/hate that I decided to walk through my life so open and honestly. I like that I took on something that scared the shit out of me, and I did it anyhow . I hate that being so transparent allowed me to see how self-judgmental and critical I can still be with myself. I didn't expect this to happen, or I'm guessing I wouldn't have dove in. It's been a shit couple of years for me and those closest to me. I suppose we all get our turn with hardship at one time or another, right? It's almost ludicrous that the world kee

me and my hair ~  Such a simple and pure concept. Honesty . And yet, not always so easy to attain. Because there are requirements, right? One has to know themselves well enough to know when they are actually being honest. How easy it is to float through life acting as if each and every thought, action, and reaction come from our clear intention! But more often than not, other things come into play. We might unknowingly be acting out of past hurts or unresolved resentments, oblivious to any ill intent on our part. And then everything unravels, and we are left bare and confused - what happened? And this is why pause is so critical. In order for me to have any hope of knowing my own motives, I know (now) that I have to step back when things feel messy. I have to get quiet. I have no business reacting without taking this critical step. Otherwise, I am more than likely to simply react. My pride will jump into the foreground and hustle to find a way in which I might look bett