crafting like my life depended on it~

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keeping an eye on the big picture


I grew up in a house filled with crafting. I think my mom must've picked this up while living in Germany in the early 1970's. I remember hand-knitted dresses, brightly colored melted plastic window hangings, art and crafting projects throughout the house, and The Band on the turntable. This was my childhood. Even now, crafting continues to ground me and help me find my way back to me.

I don't always do this consciously. In fact, it wasn't until I was cutting out brown paper hearts (production style) last night that I suddenly realized, 'Sh*t, I'm crafting like I mean it.' I guess I was lost in how pretty the silver glitter looked against the brown paper. The way the light hits it and brings it magically to life. Applying the gold leaf paint calms my breathing. Even though threading through the tiny hole I just drilled on the plastic tabs can be frustrating, the final product is so worth it. I'm a crafter, no doubt about it. And it feels amazing to dive back in.



I don't know why I started on the garland. Or why I chose silver glitter, blue pen, and red plastic tabs. Sometimes I have no idea what I'm making until I'm halfway there. This was one of those projects. I pulled out some things I wanted to work with, and more or less gave my Thinking Mind some much needed time off. I sat down at my large art table and just got busy. I was deftly working the scissors, making shapes, and grabbing the pens and glue before I questioned my motives. I literally turned up the music and turned off my critical mind. And then, just like that, I was done! I had ended up making a sweet garland, filled with hearts, flowers, and sparkly things. 

Crafting takes me out of my stuck mind. The one that wants to circle around the drain with no real solution at hand. I don't even know exactly how I got here, back to this feeling stuck place, although I do have a few guesses. Mostly, I think I'm realizing that I've outgrown certain needs, relationships, and ideas. I know this is a part of life, as I've been here before, but in the past it all felt far more dramatic and intense. Oh right, I was drinking back then ~ everything felt that way! No, this feels quieter, calmer, more thoughtful. I am not being rushed into making any split second decisions here. Rather, I am able to take my own sweet time and consciously decide, Is this really what I want, or can I let go of this? It's almost harder this way, honestly. 

Deciding who I want to be when I grow up isn't easy. Especially seeing as how I've already raised two children and I'm nearing mid-life. Did I miss something? Isn't it a little late in the game for me to be feeling lost after all I've already been through? How does crafting have ANYTHING to do with any of this?!

When I was younger I imagined I would be doing something pretty spectacular. I wasn't sure what I'd be up to, but I figured it would include travel, romance, drama, and a nice wardrobe. Okay, let's see. I have traveled considerably. I have had my fair share of romance (and drama!). And last but not least, I honestly love my clothes. So, I suppose I got what I wished for, right? So why is it that I still want something else? Maybe what I'm looking for is validation in my choices. Yes Madeline, you've done well with your life. You made the best choices! Look how spectacular everything has turned out! Is this what I'm waiting for?

And who am I expecting to announce this praise? Yeah, I don't think it's an outside job.

Which is where the crafting comes in. I think I'm going to make a garland for myself. I am going to cut out little hearts and stars and write down on these shapes some of the important things that I've done with my life. I might add some tassels and beads, glitter and gold paint. Because at the end of the day, the only person I've ever truly wanted to impress was myself. And impress isn't even the right word. Be. At the end of the day, the only person I've ever truly wanted to BE was myself. And just like that, I get it. 


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