being in the moment ~ a personal goal

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my little girl ~ halloween 2007

I took this photo of my 7 yr old baby girl just before she left the house for trick-or-treating with her dad. She looked AMAZING. We had stuffed a ball of black mohair yarn underneath her teased hair. I had drawn tattoos up and down her arms. Her eyeliner was exaggerated and spot-on. She was SO excited! She loved Amy Winehouse's music. Even my little son (then only 2 1/2 and only speaking sign language at the time), knew how and exactly WHEN to sign, 'No, No, No' from Winehouse's Rehab song. 

We didn't even THINK about her receiving any negative back-lash for her costume. Amy Winehouse was so frickin talented that I suppose we didn't question her struggle with addiction. Why should we? What did that have to do with her incredible voice, beautiful songs, and unique look? 

But when they came home that night, my little girl was confused, upset, and a little embarrassed. It turned out that a woman had refused to give our daughter some candy when she approached her door with her friend. The woman thought it was distasteful that our little girl had dressed up as Winehouse. So as a punishment, she wouldn't give her any candy. Seriously?

Here's the thing. For whatever reason, this woman didn't like Amy Winehouse. It's none of my business WHY she didn't like her. We are all individuals and entitled to like/dislike whomever we choose. However, what was hard for me to accept then (and apparently now), is that she chose to punish a little girl for liking, scratch that, LOVING, her personal idol. This woman offered my daughter's friend a piece of candy. Can you imagine how the two little girls felt? 

Luckily, my daughter's dad said something to the woman. He stood up for his daughter in front of everyone. He immediately changed what could've been a shameful moment into an embarrassing moment (mostly for the woman, I'm guessing). It was weird and quick, like most difficult things. But he acted IN THE MOMENT and this helped with my daughter's sense of self worth in the long run. This made a difference. I am grateful to my kids' dad for this instinctive and loving response.

Experiences like this make me really want to slow down. I want to be able to really hear what you are saying, and attend to IT, rather than planning out my response while you are still talking. No easy feat for a fast mover (historically) like me. I'm not saying that I want to have a smart retort to your insensitive remark (nowhere near growth!), rather, that I want to HEAR you and maybe even (gasp!) UNDERSTAND you. What? I'm not just thinking about myself and my needs? How did this happen? 
I know it is the culmination of many things; my partner, my family, friends, sobriety, and most recently, my MS. I know without my MS I couldn't (wouldn't) have slowed down enough to really look at how I think and react. And THIS is very, very interesting to me.




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