back to school

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Henry last year ~homeschooling day at the art museum


To say I'm looking forward to school starting up again, is a major understatement. There, I said it. I love my little man. I feel physically sick a little every time he is picked up by his dad for the weekend. But by the end of the summer, I'm at the end of my wits. I'm guessing he feels the exact same way about me. It's not personal, we've just been together constantly for the past three months.

Henry is not an outdoorsy kind of kid. He has never liked camps. I don't blame him. They can feel very uncomfortable when you're an introvert. The expectations are great. You are on someone else's schedule. You run from activity to activity with a group of others. It's a bit surreal. Not to mention the looks he still gets. Kids are curious. They haven't been conditioned (completely) not to stare yet. Oh, and there's no internet. That's huge. His iPad continues to be his lifeline in many ways. 

There is something to the consistency of the school year that I'm crazy about. I love the ritual of our early mornings. I love making the hot rice cereal, the lighting of the candle on the table, quiet music on the stereo. These actions remind me of my mom and my childhood. Mornings always felt a little magical to me, she made everything so damn beautiful.
I have to admit, I even oddly enjoy the constant checking in on Henry ("are you putting your clothes on, baby?") It is always a major push to get out the door on time. It somehow feels like a heroic effort, and look, we made it, again!

Oma (my mom) feeding Henry breakfast, many years ago 

And then it's quiet. My guy is at work, my little man is off to school, and I have the home all to myself. This will be my first year feeling this healthy with my new disease. Last year I was still a bit of a wreck. None of us knew a thing about what was happening to me, and we all kind of tip-toed around it, including myself. I was afraid of upsetting the apple cart, so to speak, so once I found something that 'worked' (like lying on the couch watching the entire six or seven seasons of Sex and the City), I kind of stuck with that. Seriously, I watched more television last year than I have my entire life.

But this year? At this moment, anyhow, I don't have to hide out in my home. I hope to go back to volunteering now that the heat is on its way out. I love the social opportunity in the little 2-3 hour windows. It's the perfect amount of time before I start wearing out. I'll come home, eat, and then nap. I'll wake up, do some housework, maybe an art project, and start dinner. If I'm lucky, I'll visit with a friend once or twice a week. 

It's a quiet life, to be sure. Nowhere near as big and exciting as I used to imagine it might be. Now a days, the big event is getting to see my daughter, my parents, siblings, or nephew and nieces! And that's pretty wonderful, honestly. Learning to let go of expectations keeps me in the here and now, and allows me to appreciate the little things that ironically turn out to be the BIG things. 

And when Henry gets off the school bus in front of our home, and slowly pushes open the door to come inside? My heart melts. This moment is what I love most about back to school. This tiny, sweet little moment. 

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